Wednesday, February 24, 2010

Heavy Heart Season is Almost Over

There's so many things I want to write about. I don't know how I'll do it. I guess I'll just ramble...

I really like reading my friends' blogs. Since deciding to keep a distance from Facebook, I've been getting closer to blog land. My favorites are: Zapfs, Julie, Caylie, Brett and Deanna. All of them are really different, but all of them are really honest. Obviously. I think that's what blogs are all about. My all-time favorite is the Zapfs. Josh and Jenny are SO brilliant and creative and loving, and their children are growing up to be just the same.

Do most people function below capacity for the last 2 months of each semester? I really don't know if I can (or should) do this school thing for the next 3 years (full-time) or 10 years (part-time). I suppose if I really want this degree I should get it over with fast. Then again, I'm pretty employable as is. I would be more employable with the degree, and perhaps wealthier in the long run. What is more important: my sanity, or my employability/wealth? Sanity, I think. I'll have to keep mulling this one over.

I live in community, and I value community, but sometimes I feel like I distance myself from community. There are 7 girls living in this house. We are all very different, and we all lead different lives. We all desire to be a support to each other. Sometimes I'm afraid I'm not very supportive to my housemates. I'm just not home that much, and if I'm home, I'm not very present. I like my room. I like my computer. I like my studies. (j.k.- I just have to study and I feel like I accomplish something if I do.) I've been through tough times and my housemates have been supportive and loyal to me during those times. I don't know how loyal I'll be during tough times. I'm independent. I'm task oriented more than relationship oriented. I really want to love well, but I also want to get my stuff done. I guess everybody goes through this - trying to find the balance between relationships and independence.

My dad is starting new medication on Friday. His tumors are growing, so the doctors are advising him to take the next step that he's been expecting for years. Dad's cancer is heaviest on his heart for sure, but it's also on my heart. We don't really talk about it seriously very often. One thing Dad has said numerous times is that death is not as serious to God as it is to us; it is a part of life. That doesn't mean death is easy, that's for sure. Everybody goes through it though. 12 years ago he was told it was a very serious cancer. He thought he would never see any of his daughters get married, but now he has 7 grandchildren. 6 years ago he was told he had about a year to live. 3 years ago he retired for medical reasons. He keeps on living! I'm glad. We'll see how this new medication hits him...

"Definitely Not the Opera" on CBC radio last Saturday was discussing the topic of forgiveness. The topics on DNTO are usually light hearted, but this episode started off on a heavy note. A lady from Squamish, B.C. told the story of her husband's murder and how she forgave the one who killed him. I googled the story to find out more and found her story on this site: The Forgiveness Project. I haven't read all of the stories, but the ones I have read are pretty big.

February is almost over. That means we're on the up-and-up! The sun will soon stay out for more than 12 hours! I'll sell hot dogs again! Folk Fest will happen! Maybe Dad will even ride his motorcycle. I hope so.


jz2 + faz + soleil = heart said...

we LOOOOOOOOOVE you Becky. Thank you for your kind words.

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