Unfortunately, with neutral emotions comes a lack of desire to create anything. I don't feel like knitting, I don't feel like writing, and I don't feel like creating music. Oh wait. I did create a lot of food this week. That is a healthy thing about neutral emotions for me; I have a good appetite when there is nothing "devastating" and nothing "thrilling".
Here are the many things I was talking about a few minutes ago:
#1. Barbara, Brett and Miles are moving back to China in 3 days. I am really good at making Miles laugh. The build up to them leaving is always "devastating" for me, and this time it should be more intense because Miles is alive. But I'm okay. I am pleasantly surprised.
#2. My dad's cancer is growing and his chemo dosage will double in 2 weeks. He is in phase 2 of 3 phases in treating his terminal cancer. The doctors gave him until 2002 to live, so we're pretty happy with the time we've had with him. At one point he didn't think he would see any of his daughters get married; now he has 5.5 grandchildren.
#3. I saw boy #1 and girl #2 last night. I handled it well. My heart feels more settled than it did yesterday.
(Note: I saw them at the Brock Tyler and Matt Epp show at Cafe Select. The boys did a SMASHING job, not to mention the angelic voice of Heather Donily. I hope she records something of her very own very soon.)#4. (This one is "thrilling".) I'm having crushes on boys again! There have been 2 crushes in the last 8 days. Fortunately, I'm not letting my emotions run away on me.
#5. Working in the inner city.
I like feeling neutral because then my brain and heart are relaxed enough to enjoy a good book. That's what I will go do now.
P.S. Heidi, thank you for those Matthew Barber lyrics. I hadn't figured it out yet. He didn't put his lyrics with his album. I'm finding out that I really appreciate lyrics with an album.
