tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-81230333850653130572024-02-19T09:59:00.016-07:00Becky Walks AroundWhen I walk, I think.
Sometimes I think too much. Sometimes I don't think enough.Beckyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17524315402513677168noreply@blogger.comBlogger12125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8123033385065313057.post-72593804894196044812010-02-24T18:26:00.003-07:002010-02-24T19:08:27.913-07:00Heavy Heart Season is Almost Over<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';">There's so many things I want to write about. I don't know how I'll do it. I guess I'll just ramble...</span><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';"><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';">I really like reading my friends' blogs. Since deciding to keep a distance from Facebook, I've been getting closer to blog land. My favorites are: Zapfs, Julie, Caylie, Brett and Deanna. All of them are really different, but all of them are really honest. Obviously. I think that's what blogs are all about. My all-time favorite is the Zapfs. Josh and Jenny are SO brilliant and creative and loving, and their children are growing up to be just the same. </span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';"><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';">Do most people function below capacity for the last 2 months of each semester? I really don't know if I can (or should) do this school thing for the next 3 years (full-time) or 10 years (part-time). I suppose if I really want this degree I should get it over with fast. Then again, I'm pretty employable as is. I would be more employable with the degree, and perhaps wealthier in the long run. What is more important: my sanity, or my employability/wealth? Sanity, I think. I'll have to keep mulling this one over. </span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';"><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';">I live in community, and I value community, but sometimes I feel like I distance myself from community. There are 7 girls living in this house. We are all very different, and we all lead different lives. We all desire to be a support to each other. Sometimes I'm afraid I'm not very supportive to my housemates. I'm just not home that much, and if I'm home, I'm not very present. I like my room. I like my computer. I like my studies. (j.k.- I just have to study and I feel like I accomplish something if I do.) I've been through tough times and my housemates have been supportive and loyal to me during those times. I don't know how loyal I'll be during tough times. I'm independent. I'm task oriented more than relationship oriented. I really want to love well, but I also want to get my stuff done. I guess everybody goes through this - trying to find the balance between relationships and independence. </span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';"><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';">My dad is starting new medication on Friday. His tumors are growing, so the doctors are advising him to take the next step that he's been expecting for years. Dad's cancer is heaviest on his heart for sure, but it's also on my heart. We don't really talk about it seriously very often. One thing Dad has said numerous times is that death is not as serious to God as it is to us; it is a part of life. That doesn't mean death is easy, that's for sure. Everybody goes through it though. 12 years ago he was told it was a very serious cancer. He thought he would never see any of his daughters get married, but now he has 7 grandchildren. 6 years ago he was told he had about a year to live. 3 years ago he retired for medical reasons. He keeps on living! I'm glad. We'll see how this new medication hits him...</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';"><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';">"Definitely Not the Opera" on CBC radio last Saturday was discussing the topic of forgiveness. The topics on DNTO are usually light hearted, but this episode started off on a heavy note. A lady from Squamish, B.C. told the story of her husband's murder and how she forgave the one who killed him. I googled the story to find out more and found her story on this site: </span><a href="http://www.theforgivenessproject.com/stories/katy-hutchison-ryan-aldridge"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';">The Forgiveness Project</span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';">. I haven't read all of the stories, but the ones I have read are pretty big. </span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';"><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';">February is almost over. That means we're on the up-and-up! The sun will soon stay out for more than 12 hours! I'll sell hot dogs again! Folk Fest will happen! Maybe Dad will even ride his motorcycle. I hope so.</span></div>Beckyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17524315402513677168noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8123033385065313057.post-68373828515412237532009-09-05T21:37:00.004-06:002009-09-05T22:18:16.437-06:00It Has Been A While...<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">This has been a busy summer - too busy for my liking. Luckily I won't be helping to organize a 10-year high school reunion every summer; that's how the busy-ness started. I'll still be volunteer coordinating at Folk Fest, but I'll book time off my real job as soon as 2010 begins so that I don't get completely overwhelmed during the 2nd week of August. As for the hot dog stand, I can't let go; the money is too big. I'm going to cut back though... or I'll cut back on my real job... because I might be taking a class or two during the spring/summer semesters. Who knows, who knows. This is exciting though. </span></span><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">I haven't read a real book from beginning to end for a year or so. I have a pile of 8 books (at least) beside my bed and I read a chapter or two from one of them every so often. I've read a lot of graphic novels over the past year, and I really like them. Some of them are pretty meaty and give me lots to chew on, but some of them are puny and pointless aside from providing an hour of entertainment. I haven't even read blogs as much as I would've liked to; there's some good ones out there, and they're better than people's status updates on Facebook. (Why do I subject myself to that crazy networking website? I over-do it. Sometimes it makes me want to barf.)</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Tonight things changed. I read two chapters in a book called "Prayer" by O. Hallesby. It's really simple and basic, but I need it because I think I have forgotten how to pray and how important it is. Conversing with God is benificial to/for all of us. Here's a quote from chapter 8:</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">"My little boy came in one day and stuck his little head into the doorway of my study. Now he knows that he was not supposed to disturb me during working hours. And his conscience troubled him a little on account of this. But he looked at me nevertheless with his kind, round baby eyes and said, 'Papa, dear, I will sit still all the time if you will only let me be here with you!' ... Is not that just the way we often feel with regard to our heavenly Father? We do so love to be with Him, just to be in His presence! Moreover, we never disturb Him, no matter when we com nor how often we come!"</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">I also read Jon Coutts' blog, and he quoted Matthew Wilkinson's blog. Their's are some of my favorites and they're constantly writing on them; we should all read them more often. Here's what hit me from both of them:</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">(</span></span><a href="http://thissideofsunday.blogspot.com/"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#009900;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Jon's blog</span></span></span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">, a reflection on his newest quest for education)</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">"</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 14px; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">I am heading off to study </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">God as revealed in Jesus of Nazareth</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">. By grace I have as my subject the Creator who so loved creation that He gave Himself to it in freedom, that it might love Him in freedom!"</span></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 14px; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 14px; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">(</span></span><a href="http://thecrookedtrees.blogspot.com/"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#009900;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Matthew's blog</span></span></span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">, the fictional story of Hafford, Saskatchewan... I think I'll have to give myself a day to read the whole thing because I've only heard about Matthew's latest blog from Sarah, and now Jon.)</span></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 14px; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">"It's just that we live in a time when you can't do heroic stuff. Y'know? Unless you join the army or something there's no big moment where you get to discover if you're a coward or whatever, and so I've got to look at the way I walk to the grocery store or behave with my friends, and try to discern the same information. Am I doing these things well? Am I living well generally? How do you live well in a quiet world where nothing changes and people are mostly pretty content? Should I be out looking for injustices?"</span></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 14px; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 14px; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">(Oh to live in a peaceful small town in Saskatchewan... and to have to look for injustices. Life in inner city big city Alberta is full of injustices... sigh...) </span></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 14px; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 14px; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">I love reading. I was feeling pretty distraught and depressed when I started reading tonight. After reading 3 paragraphs of Hallesby's book I was clear-headed and calmed. Was that reading, or was it the reminder that there is One who is always listening to my heart, whether or not I am? </span></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 14px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 14px; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Whatever it was, reading is an enjoyable activity and from this point on I will be doing more of it.</span></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 14px; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:Verdana, sans-serif;font-size:100%;color:#6F3C1B;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" line-height: 14px;font-size:11px;"><i><br /></i></span></span></div>Beckyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17524315402513677168noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8123033385065313057.post-1552764350909694912009-02-28T12:05:00.003-07:002009-02-28T12:16:57.179-07:00What To Expect When You're Expecting<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'courier new';">I have 2 particular ex-boyfriends: the first one taught me that I can break my own heart; the other one taught me that I could break his heart. These lessons were learned years ago, but the first lesson keeps coming back to haunt me.</span><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'courier new';"><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'courier new';">I broke my own heart by making my expectations unreachable. They were unreachable within the particular relationship and they are still unreachable within the connections I once had because of that relationship. Boy #1 has friends and family that I really admire. I was once friends with them, now I am only acquainted with them. </span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'courier new';"><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'courier new';">I don't really understand why it still breaks my heart occasionally. I could never have dreamed up a life as great as the one I am living now. I am so happy. </span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'courier new';"><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'courier new';">I don't break my own heart too often, but it bugs me when I do.</span></div>Beckyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17524315402513677168noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8123033385065313057.post-21548246296891732502009-02-13T13:21:00.004-07:002009-02-17T12:44:33.656-07:00There's Always Something<span style="font-family:courier new;">I have been pretty full of joy lately.<br /><br />I got home from Thailand about a month ago. Since then I have had something major to look forward to all the time.<br /><br />#1. Being at home was (and still is) very great.<br />#2. Going back to work was exciting... on the first day...<br />#3. Our housewarming party was pretty awesome. I experimented with having no expectations, and therefore my expectations were not seriously disappointed. It was such a great time.<br />#4. Being back at church was pretty good. I got to meet a few new babies.<br />#5. I got winter tires for my bike.<br />#6. My choir started. It was supposed to start on Tuesday, but nobody came. I was okay though, because my expectations were NIL. Then I thought nobody was going to show up on Saturday, but 3 girls did. I'd be okay if they were the only girls in the choir forever. They have nice voices and personalities.<br />#7. I got geckos! Romance and Irie are pretty great. Unfortunately, I saw a male adult gecko last night and he had big ugly balls. I hope my geckos are females.<br /><br />My life is just a pretty good thing these days. I've heard some spiritually stimulating speakers and I've had some spiritually stimulating facebook conversations. I have some really good friends and I live with really good people. I like my job. I like making crafts. Life is nice. I like a life like that.<br /><br />But I feel out of joy today.<br /><br />Even though I like my job, I was unmotivated and bored this week. Long and boring meetings are to blame for that.<br /><br />Last night I heard that a 16-year-old boy who is very connected to Camp Nakamun killed himself yesterday. I couldn't fall asleep very easily last night, but how in the world is his family ever going to sleep again?<br /><br />I don't know.<br /><br />I thank the Lord for the opportunity to have a nap today...</span>Beckyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17524315402513677168noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8123033385065313057.post-21702464267228513722008-08-28T16:01:00.004-06:002008-08-28T16:40:27.688-06:00Sarah is coming home.<span style="font-family: courier new;">Once again, I have taken my time to post a blog.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family: courier new;">I wanted to post a few weeks ago when I went to the </span><a style="font-family: courier new;" href="http://www.edmontonfolkfest.org/">Edmonton Folk Music Festival</a><span style="font-family: courier new;">. I always love that weekend. I did again. My highlights were </span><a style="font-family: courier new;" href="http://www.myspace.com/royalwood">Royal Wood</a><span style="font-family: courier new;">, </span><a style="font-family: courier new;" href="http://www.myspace.com/brokensocialscene">Broken Social Scene</a><span style="font-family: courier new;">, </span><a style="font-family: courier new;" href="http://www.myspace.com/jonnylang"><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">Jonny</span> Lang</a> and <a style="font-family: courier new;" href="http://www.buckwheatzydeco.com/">Buckwheat Zydeco</a><span style="font-family: courier new;">. It was an emotional weekend because I wasn't taking very good care of myself. I was VERY tired by the end of Sunday and I couldn't go on any longer. The most emotional point of the weekend for me was on Sunday afternoon when I was trying to settle down on the main hill for a nap. Buckwheat Zydeco was playing and singing, "All we need is peace, love, and </span><span style="font-family: courier new;" class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">happiness</span><span style="font-family: courier new;">." All of the sudden the sound of the voice changed from a 70-year-old black man from the Southern States with an </span><span style="font-family: courier new;" class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">afro</span><span style="font-family: courier new;"> and a suit vest - to - an 8-year-old girl from Edmonton. "All we need is peace, love, and happy days." It went on like that for a few minutes and then the little girl was repeating after the man: "Everything is gonna be alright." He then gave her a lecture about her being the future and us adults not knowing how to take care of our world. ... I was already quite tired so I almost started my cry-fest at that moment. I slept 14 hours that night. It was a great weekend and I can't wait until next year.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family: courier new;">I was also going to blog a few days ago when I got back home from a 24 hour camping trip. It was great to get out of the city and great to spend time with friends. My highlight of the weekend was looking up at the stars on Saturday night. Wow. (Or "</span><span style="font-family: courier new;" class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3">whow</span><span style="font-family: courier new;">", as some friends might spell it.) I should get out of the city more often. My #2 highlight was getting home. I had a little cold and once again, I hadn't taken care of myself very well. I ate and ate and ate and ate and felt like crap by the end. I slept pretty well that night and enjoyed work and life the next day.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family: courier new;">Today I'm going to blog because I feel delightfully </span><span style="font-family: courier new;" class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_4">melancholy</span><span style="font-family: courier new;">. Besides being really tired, here are some other reasons for my mood:</span><br /><ol style="font-family: courier new;"><li>I spent 3 hours making a pinata over the last 2 days, only to have it smashed into pieces with a broom stick. </li><li>At a staff party today I talked to one of my favorite co-workers who's lover of 7 years is moving to Toronto on Friday. His heart is heavy with that. </li><li>After the staff party we had another staff party to say good-bye to another one of my favorite co-workers. He's about 70 and he was great to have around. His name is Ken, as was my paternal Grandpa's name, so I called him "Grandpa Ken".</li><li>On my way home I saw a beautiful <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_5">teenaged</span> girl holding hands with her really <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_6">petit</span> old grandma as they were crossing the street downtown. They looked like best friends. </li><li>One block later I saw a 10-year-old boy holding hands with his 4-year-old sister so that she would be safe getting back onto the sidewalk from the crosswalk. They were both wearing awkward pants with rubber boots. I wish I had had a camera to take a picture of it. </li></ol><span style="font-family: courier new;">Sarah is coming home tonight and she'll be here for good. It will be nice to have her home.</span><br /><br /><a style="font-family: courier new;" onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhSh21eNIhtRkrv7DOmcwNvHG_CrEwsocregVEr2kt4_606X5A5g1kIgVCwfna1Rqf6r8A94jCtUFqxxde4xDfICxQTsZqDrcjvm1kPlBBwxRJwG1YUUNnFEgVH8QQjonk-UsXSJPRVZ44/s1600-h/b+and+s.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhSh21eNIhtRkrv7DOmcwNvHG_CrEwsocregVEr2kt4_606X5A5g1kIgVCwfna1Rqf6r8A94jCtUFqxxde4xDfICxQTsZqDrcjvm1kPlBBwxRJwG1YUUNnFEgVH8QQjonk-UsXSJPRVZ44/s320/b+and+s.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5239701612095936290" border="0" /></a>Beckyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17524315402513677168noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8123033385065313057.post-43344231891971784632008-07-08T21:43:00.006-06:002008-07-13T00:33:05.853-06:00P.S.<span style=";font-family:courier new;font-size:100%;" >In the end, this day turned out just fine.<br /><br />Friends are good. Seeing old friends and meeting new ones is good. Friends having birthday parties is pretty awesome.<br /><br />Dark and swirly clouds aren't really that good, but watching them come and go quickly is good. It's also good when they leave behind a rainbow.<br /><br />Melodicas are the best thing ever right now.<span></span></span>Beckyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17524315402513677168noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8123033385065313057.post-82107012349194301092008-07-08T15:25:00.003-06:002008-11-13T22:54:27.734-07:00Some days work out okay, but other days don't.<span style="font-family: courier new;">This is definitely not the worst day of my life, but it's been a down day so far. Here's why:</span><br /><ol style="font-family: courier new;"><li>I'm tired. I haven't been getting 8 full hours of sleep for a long time. 7 is pretty good, and that's what I get normally, but I haven't had a chance to sleep in for a long time. Oh wait. I slept in on Canada day. I worked hard that day though, so I needed my sleep.</li><li>I don't have much energy. I haven't been riding my bicycle to work lately. Exercise gives energy. I don't get much exercise; I don't have much energy.<br /></li><li>I'm frustrated with myself. I thought I was being funny today when I was joking around with a c0-worker who I've been getting to know a very little bit lately. She wasn't at the vending machine when her change came out, so I took it. When she came to get it from me I threw it on the floor and laughed and said, "I'm a mean girl!" I was joking, but then she didn't say anything so I thought she might have been hurt. I tried to apologize about 10 minutes later, but she didn't hear me. (I didn't try hard enough.) Another co-worker told me that I brought the girl to tears. MY GOODNESS BECKY! I should stop trying to be funny... I apologized to the girl and she gave a nice polite smile and nod. I'll have to be extra kind to her. I like her. That's why I tried to joke around with her. My sense of humor=not everybody's sense of humor. Sheesh.</li><li>I don't have all the answers or solutions to the problems that people come to me with. I hear about a lot of problems at work every day. Some days it gets me down.</li><li>I want a puppy.<br /></li></ol><span style="font-family: courier new;">I just ate some nice healthy eggs and yogurt and blueberries, and I'm going to have a nap and read "</span><a style="font-family: courier new;" href="http://www.randomhouse.com/pantheon/graphicnovels/persepolis.html">Persepolis</a><span style="font-family: courier new;">". Hopefully my day will get better from this point on.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold; font-family: courier new;">Part 2</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family: courier new;">Do you realize that there are too many categories under your quality of life to sanely manage? Maybe it's just me, but I've been quite overwhelmed with it all lately. Here are the categories that are important in my life: loving well, family, friends, my Creator, bicycling, making music that I enjoy, reading books that I enjoy, sleeping enough, eating healthy food, eating food that I enjoy, playing with puppies, tickling babies, working and being approachable there, my church community, communicating with people who are far away from me... and more. (I had intended on making the categories things like - emotionally, spiritually, athletically, mentally, etc. - but I don't know if "puppily" is a word... Actually, I know it isn't a word.) Anyways, I've been putting too much on my plate lately and I don't know if that is going to calm down soon.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold; font-family: courier new;">Part 3</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family: courier new;">I am looking forward to a few things:</span><br /><ol style="font-family: courier new;"><li>Playing with <a href="http://www.myspace.com/brocktylermusic">Brock</a> at Michelle and Luke's wedding on Friday. I'm playing my melodica and piano and singing harmony. We're doing some pretty pretty fun songs.<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiVKSYuEHwgr8QT0sJwOx54jhJFCIWNRpexgjgUK_l0cGk0Vx3Nntb523TK5lZwY6xqsbUuMvRGc-_87iHAXzbCWYwRt1NLnuXYvNI9T5vN8Lnv_cKdM6AH0ujQ-Hp2t94Z2zbFfawihnE/s1600-h/melodica1w02.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiVKSYuEHwgr8QT0sJwOx54jhJFCIWNRpexgjgUK_l0cGk0Vx3Nntb523TK5lZwY6xqsbUuMvRGc-_87iHAXzbCWYwRt1NLnuXYvNI9T5vN8Lnv_cKdM6AH0ujQ-Hp2t94Z2zbFfawihnE/s320/melodica1w02.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5220765434821337362" border="0" /></a></li><li><a href="http://www.calgaryfolkfest.com/users/folder.asp">Calgary Folk Music Festival</a> is in 2.5 weeks. I'm going and the music and environment are going to fill me with joy.<br /></li><li><a href="http://www.efmf.ab.ca/">Edmonton Folk Music Festival</a> is in a month. I'm volunteering for the 3rd time and it is always the best weekend ever.<br /></li><li>I will also see <a href="http://www.joelplaskett.com/">Joel Plaskett</a> and <a href="http://www.ryan-adams.com/">Ryan Adams</a> this summer. I enjoy them.</li></ol><span style="font-family: courier new;">It's time for that nap.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family: courier new;">Please enjoy yourself.</span>Beckyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17524315402513677168noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8123033385065313057.post-19628673380643968292008-05-19T11:16:00.007-06:002008-05-19T15:13:28.112-06:00I Will Do My Best In Love<p style="font-family: courier new;" class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-CA">It has been almost 1 month since my last post. That indicates I have been emotionally stable enough to not need attention from blogging... or it means I haven't been thinking for a month. The latter is true: I haven't been thinking for a month - I have just been letting anger build.<br /><br />I started working in the inner city in December last year; that's 5.5 months ago. I like the relationships I've built with many of the community members. Sometimes it's really hard not to say, "Hey, you should come out with me and my friends tomorrow night. You would really enjoy it." (In fact, I did say that last Friday. Ooops. Thankfully (?) the guy had no money so he couldn't have come out to the show.) Relationships are great.<br /><br />I work in the employment department where we help people get casual jobs for a day at a time. Sometimes the day jobs turn into weekly or monthly gigs. I like when that happens. Unfortunately, when the day jobs are supposed to turn into weekly jobs and they don't, it becomes our fault (not always, but often). A few weeks ago I lost all compassion and felt like saying to some of the people, "Well, if you want to have a real job, then grow up and speak for yourself and get yourself a real job." I'm pretty sure I've probably said something of the like to one or a few of our program participants. (Sometimes you have to be blunt and tough.) The point is, most people in the inner city have addiction issues or mental health issues that keep them from growing up and speaking for themselves. Yuck, and I don't know how to solve that problem. Anger has been festering in me because I deal with a lot of people who lack the common sense I have and therefore make what I classify as bad decisions. On grumpy days, my inner feelings are, "DANG IT PEOPLE! DO IT RIGHT!"<br /><br />Here is a quick list of other things that have been making me angry lately:<br />1. Bad drivers. Pardon me, but I'm mostly thinking of taxi drivers who decide to stop in the middle of the road to wait for their passengers.<br />2. Loud vehicles - motorcycles and "pimped out" cars - that go up the hill beside my apartment at any time of day, particularly after my bed time.<br />3. People who jay-walk in really dangerous situations.<br />4. People who wear too much perfume and then go into elevators.<br />5. People who litter.<br />6. People who over-consume and over-use and don't recycle or think about the consequences or the stupidity of the things they are doing. (Like the girl on <a href="http://www.hgtv.com/hgtv/shows_hnt/">House Hunters</a> on <a href="http://www.hgtv.com/">HGTV</a> yesterday who lives with her dog and bought a 3 bedroom house because of the HUGE master bedroom closet where all of her shoes and all of her clothes and all of her dog's clothes would fit. AAAARRRGGG!!!)<br />7. People who purposefully un-include others for the sake of making them feel small and insignificant.<br />8. People/Governments who prevent people from other countries coming into their country to provide much needed necessities of life after major environmental disasters like cyclones.<br /><br />(By the way, I get angry at myself for being the person in numbers 6 and 7. Oh, and number 1 - I just got ANOTHER speeding ticket in the mail! Boo-how-ee-se.)<br /><br />Those are the things that make me angry, and there is also one thing that has been very frustrating for me for the past year or two: the fact that many of my closest friends do not hold the same views as me regarding things like the divinity of the Bible and Jesus, what things are sins, and the importance of going to church or being a part of a Christian community if you are a Christian. I've just begun to realize that the reason these things frustrate me is because I didn't expect this to happen when I was a little girl. I thought everyone I know and love would know and love the same truths that I know and love. Life is not like that. Harumpff.<br /><br />This weekend it came to my attention by 2 very great friends of mine (Sarah and Jonathan) that my frustration and anger over the aforementioned issues has been manifested in my mannerisms lately.<br /><br />"Love Becky, love!" said Jonathan.<br /><br />"Why are you so angry lately?" said Sarah.<br /><br />On Saturday night when I was falling asleep, I started swearing at the devil. I used the F word that has been a major part of my mental vocabulary recently. (My verbal vocabulary says it like this - "<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bqxnm6t3QMw">Mother Ucker</a>!" - because of my favorite episode of <a href="http://www.hbo.com/conchords/">Flight of the Conchords</a>. You should watch it.) Not that my anger and frustration was turning me into a monster, but I really hated the fact that anger and frustration was taking over my personality little by little. As I fell asleep that night I decided to change my status on Facebook from "Becky would like to give a ticket to anyone who jay-walks, drives stupidly or wears too much perfume." to "Becky encourages everyone to be good citizens - reduce, reuse, recycle, RESPECT, relax... and LOVE."<br /><br />I love it when the sermon at church on Sunday is exactly what I need to hear; that's how it was yesterday. The sermon was on Ephesians 6:10-19; it's the "Armor of God" passage. That is probably the most familiar passage of the Bible to me. From about the age of 7 to 11 my dad always read us a morning devotional and then we each prayed. Because there were 6 of us, each of us had a piece of the Armor of God to pray onto our family. The point of the whole section can be found in verse 12: "For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms." The phrases "be strong", "take your stand", "stand your ground", and "stand firm" are also part of the point.<br /><br />My dad is the #1 spiritual mentor of my life so far. He has always been my pastor up until about 2 years ago. He has taught me that Satan exists and Jesus is the only answer. With watching my closest friends struggle with this truth, I have not held so firmly to that truth in the past few years. Well folks, I'm back. Satan exists and Jesus is the only answer.<br /><br />One of the biggest religious questions out there is this: "With all that we see in the world, how can we know that God exists?" Yesterday, Pastor Ken flipped the question: with all the horrors that have gone on in humanity - what humans can and have done to each other - how can we chalk that up to the horrible minds of people? We can’t! There IS an influencing factor, and he is Satan - the "ruler of the kingdom of the air". I hate him, and I know that even though many of my friends have different opinions then me, you all hate him too. You just might not think about him as much as I do, or in the same way as I do. Satan is the one who likes to trick people into doing all of the things that I get angry about. Satan is the creator of addictions, mental health diseases, selfishness, carelessness, the desire to rebel against the law, ignorance of the law, disrespect... I could go on and on and on...<br /></span></p> <p style="font-family: courier new;" class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-CA">The reason that I believe Jesus is the only answer to all of this evil can only be explained by saying that I have a child-like faith and I believe because I believe. I believe that Jesus is the Son of God, and that He was and is Divine. Many people admire Jesus because He was so loving and pure. Buddha, Gandhi, Mohammad, Mother Theresa, the Pope and the Dalai Lama are admired by many people, just like Jesus is. I admire some things that I hear about those people too. From what I’ve heard (not from what I know, since I am not a scholar), Jesus is the only one who said he is “the Way, the Truth, and the Life.” Jesus is sin-less and pure and he knew it; He didn’t flaunt it – He is humble. Jesus is the only one who was “crucified, dead, and buried… [and] on the third day rose again.” </span></p> <p style="font-family: courier new;" class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-CA">SO, I am a Christian and I will stand firm in the armor of God. </span></p> <p style="font-family: courier new;" class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-CA">***TANGENT: We could now get into a conversation about how so many Christians hold that warfare mentality and just want to fight and destroy all of the evil things and people on this planet. Or we could get into a discussion about why I would call myself a Christian and therefore identify myself with all of the Christians in this world and in history who have royally screwed things up for anyone who ever wants to use the word “<a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Christian">Christian</a>” to mean what it is supposed to mean – “a person who adheres to Christianity, a monotheistic religion centered on the life and teachings of Jesus Christ as presented in the New Testament…”. People are imperfect. Christians are imperfect. Words are imperfect. We can discuss these things later. TANGENT OVER***</span></p> <p style="font-family: courier new;" class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-CA"><o:p></o:p>As I said, I am a Christian and I will do my best with the help of my God to “Stand firm then, with the belt of TRUTH buckled around [my] waist, the breastplate of RIGHTEOUSNESS in place, and with [my] feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of PEACE. In addition to all this, [I will] take up the shield of FAITH, with which [I] can extinguish all of the flaming arrows of the evil one. [I will] take the helmet of SALVATION and the sword of the SPIRIT, which is the word of God. [I will] pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, [I will] be alert and always keep on praying for all the saints.” </span></p> <p style="font-family: courier new;" class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-CA">Another thing: my facebook status is currently “Becky encourages everyone to be good citizens…” Pastor Ken also said something like this during yesterday’s sermon: If we aren’t intentionally living as citizens of God’s Kingdom in this alien place – Earth – then what are we doing? I encourage everyone to be good citizens on this earth. More importantly though, I encourage everyone who is a member of God’s Kingdom on Earth to be good and intentional citizens of God’s Kingdom on this foreign planet we currently call home.</span></p>Beckyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17524315402513677168noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8123033385065313057.post-86620892591790365402008-04-22T18:34:00.009-06:002008-11-13T22:54:28.821-07:00Today I fell more in love with the people I love.<span style="font-family:courier new;">There is a lot of snow in Edmonton these days, and with that comes a lot of people in the inner-city hang outs. 7-7:30 am was a busy 1/2 hour for us employment people today. When things calmed down at 7:30 I had a chance to talk with some of my favorite people in the inner city. One of those people is a really brilliant man with a thick accent. A lot of times when he talks I just nod like I understand what he is saying (because it is over my head, and in a thick accent); usually he catches on that I'm just pretending to understand. He really loves his family but he hasn't seen them for 25 years. Thanks to facebook he has seen his niece as an adult. A lot of people have died in his family so he often chokes up when we're talking. What a guy.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family:courier new;">When he left my office at 8, one of the younger guys came to my door and said, "How come you never invite me into your office for a heart to heart?" And I said something to the effect of, "As if you can top his story." Mr. Younger Guy came in and told me a little bit about growing up in the foster care/adoption system of Alberta. I mentioned that I watched a great movie (</span><a style="font-family: courier new;" href="http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0452623/">Gone Baby, Gone</a><span style="font-family:courier new;">) on Friday that really got me thinking about what is best for kids who are neglected by their biological parents. We didn't really have an opportunity to take our conversation deeper, but he listed 3 great movies that will teach me about the realities of street life and the lives of drug addicts. (</span><a style="font-family: courier new;" href="http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0110729/">Once Were Warriors</a><span style="font-family:courier new;">, </span><a style="font-family: courier new;" href="http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0197094/">What Becomes of the Broken Hearted?</a><span style="font-family:courier new;">, </span><a style="font-family: courier new;" href="http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0226525/">Through A Blue Lens</a><span style="font-family:courier new;">)</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family:courier new;">From 9 am to 12 pm I trained the new girl. She needs no training at all. She's a natural and we are all pleasantly shocked. Her initials are opposite of mine - SH!</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family:courier new;">After a drive in </span><a style="font-family: courier new;" href="http://www.toyota.ca/cgi-bin/WebObjects.exe/WWW.woa/11/wo/Home.Vehicles.Go.YarisHatchback-apFnxzrTwlA422vRjOcEfw/0.1">Angela's amazing car</a><span style="font-family:courier new;"> (it's little, but it NEVER gets stuck in the crazy snow) to Whyte Ave for lunch, it was back to the paper work. Mr. Encouraging But Also Over My Head came to me to get his resume changed and faxed to some really great job opportunities. In January he saw the picture of Miles on my desktop; since then he has referred to Miles as my boyfriend.</span><br /><br /><a style="font-family: courier new;" onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgB6pO3eaD_xsHsz1lJ3ZzUMZj2zb3d3j8iF7RawI-1Vg97X5Yee_03a7vgXozQYypEEl66nv-oKpIylQQhUiWZicIMCL62mj-ZpLBDjK5WfqqNAFQw18FJYJ21o7A-CDHY0lsLEkBQocY/s1600-h/Miles2.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgB6pO3eaD_xsHsz1lJ3ZzUMZj2zb3d3j8iF7RawI-1Vg97X5Yee_03a7vgXozQYypEEl66nv-oKpIylQQhUiWZicIMCL62mj-ZpLBDjK5WfqqNAFQw18FJYJ21o7A-CDHY0lsLEkBQocY/s200/Miles2.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5192247488911089906" border="0" /></a><br /><span style="font-family:courier new;">Today he saw my new desktop picture of Thomas. I told him he was another boyfriend of mine.</span><br /><br /><a style="font-family: courier new;" onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEifsxpIPyNrse5Ndw1MpL133E60tYmvJQP4SUe6DFXkwkRyeNCfIYZ2V0tjnj81MwTZwXK2ayQ5fj9n2clkQGNnSQCpDgv3dL9JFYuimmhxNaY-nlKkLPO9z3vIkL_uZlqfzahcd2A-IG8/s1600-h/Thomas.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEifsxpIPyNrse5Ndw1MpL133E60tYmvJQP4SUe6DFXkwkRyeNCfIYZ2V0tjnj81MwTZwXK2ayQ5fj9n2clkQGNnSQCpDgv3dL9JFYuimmhxNaY-nlKkLPO9z3vIkL_uZlqfzahcd2A-IG8/s200/Thomas.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5192247725134291202" border="0" /></a><br /><span style="font-family:courier new;">Mr. EBAOMH started asking me questions about my family and I started showing him some really great pictures. I love talking about my family. The more I talk about them, the more I love them.</span><br /><br /><br /><a style="font-family: courier new;" onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiC1u31OHmsP88QGF-o7B5utPSG9l907fVrex-OJIG1zQvmn1FmDWY_l_PAN93FLe_ynd1VNlt0IohaHwi5PYY_QWH5Ckj5kk1h6ESsaBIit-Cj8qfckoeB0F7PEulYf71UZ4pT9LCtirw/s1600-h/Thai+Beauty.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiC1u31OHmsP88QGF-o7B5utPSG9l907fVrex-OJIG1zQvmn1FmDWY_l_PAN93FLe_ynd1VNlt0IohaHwi5PYY_QWH5Ckj5kk1h6ESsaBIit-Cj8qfckoeB0F7PEulYf71UZ4pT9LCtirw/s200/Thai+Beauty.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5192248188990759202" border="0" /></a><br /><a style="font-family: courier new;" onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjMHGWQt2u0u6iu0bvMWRYCZPbeC4el7p6Bik1bAJYG7iUznJnhnqImRzORDx2aYoND4s6erw5eWWhSfZAr2HGgeNMZlboidREfDzn4o9bJc3xtZ4WrjKDG4lIk4bja1efuYv9_4iiYx_w/s1600-h/Monkey+Bonnie.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjMHGWQt2u0u6iu0bvMWRYCZPbeC4el7p6Bik1bAJYG7iUznJnhnqImRzORDx2aYoND4s6erw5eWWhSfZAr2HGgeNMZlboidREfDzn4o9bJc3xtZ4WrjKDG4lIk4bja1efuYv9_4iiYx_w/s400/Monkey+Bonnie.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5192248541178077506" border="0" /></a><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjtvFOeRDmztMo9A9VD3LSYFkDBmuBIT2r7Ks8bXkCGYO0JjcuC_X8gva8mt3yO3SYGwwLI3su1U5lksq_mnE84QYzo2vH_JShmc3e5qrGna_pC2BUMK-AWNb_zydH0CaukThnqT-Mg5mE/s1600-h/Mom+and+dad.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjtvFOeRDmztMo9A9VD3LSYFkDBmuBIT2r7Ks8bXkCGYO0JjcuC_X8gva8mt3yO3SYGwwLI3su1U5lksq_mnE84QYzo2vH_JShmc3e5qrGna_pC2BUMK-AWNb_zydH0CaukThnqT-Mg5mE/s200/Mom+and+dad.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5192254034441249106" border="0" /></a><br /><span style="font-family:courier new;">Before I knew it, it was 2:30 and time for me to leave. I knew my car would be stuck, so I asked Mr. EBAOMH to round up some help downstairs to push my car out of the snow. He did. It worked.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family:courier new;">Even though I was quite exhausted and dizzy, I went to the library to look for those movies. I ran out of energy while I was looking, so I headed back to the parkade. I took a different underground route to get back to my car... so I couldn't find it. I decided to just go back upstairs and outside and take my original route to my car. As I walked out of the library I spotted Mr. EBAOMH. I laughed and greeted him and told him I lost my car and I was dizzy and I needed a nap. We chuckled and went our separate ways. 20 steps later I heard someone running towards me.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family:courier new;">"Are you going to be okay? Will you make it to your car?" Mr. EBAOMH said.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family:courier new;">I replied, "I'll be fine. Thanks!"</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family:courier new;">I really like my community. Tomorrow Angie, Heidi, Jess and I are meeting with </span><a style="font-family: courier new;" href="http://www.communitas.ca/">Communitas</a><span style="font-family:courier new;"> about forming a co-operative and buying a big house in our community for us to live in. We are all ready for change.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family:courier new;">Yesterday my shirts from <a href="http://www.threadless.com/">Threadless</a> arrived. They fit perfectly. I am thrilled.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family:courier new;">I'm still waiting for my other on-line order - Proactiv - the new solution to the problem with my face. I am devastated.(Just joking.)<br /></span>Beckyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17524315402513677168noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8123033385065313057.post-42063531849284765002008-04-18T23:18:00.004-06:002008-11-13T22:54:29.042-07:00I Might Make Time for a Dream JournalStart at the bottom left corner.<br /><br /><a style="font-family: courier new;" onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEghq4Bv32VkytjTATSi_dt72g6SZd3T9mPG9Uq8vVRAuiIpN6aWvHuakyZ_vEUSdBlhgiux7-3YbpYQGC9zLKvD_iNWHUheTD-5k2CBAPpfInLvzrZ_QqLiJYVBMYCCcttljJUoKL1OxoI/s1600-h/dream+-+april+18.JPG"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEghq4Bv32VkytjTATSi_dt72g6SZd3T9mPG9Uq8vVRAuiIpN6aWvHuakyZ_vEUSdBlhgiux7-3YbpYQGC9zLKvD_iNWHUheTD-5k2CBAPpfInLvzrZ_QqLiJYVBMYCCcttljJUoKL1OxoI/s400/dream+-+april+18.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5190821986348136082" border="0" /></a><br /><span style="font-family:courier new;">I was at a suicide intervention training seminar for the last 2 days. The facilitators weren't very good. I enjoyed meeting new people though. I wasn't really friendly with them, but I watched them closely and I wanted to be friends with them. They all liked my shoes; it was nice to have that in common.</span>Beckyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17524315402513677168noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8123033385065313057.post-89833671409114047192008-04-12T23:51:00.010-06:002008-11-13T22:54:29.731-07:00Neutral<span style="font-family:courier new;">My emotions have been pretty pretty neutral this week. There are many things that could put me on an emotional roller-coaster, but thank My Good Lord, I'm neutral.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family:courier new;">Unfortunately, with neutral emotions comes a lack of desire to create anything. I don't feel like knitting, I don't feel like writing, and I don't feel like creating music. Oh wait. I did create a lot of food this week. That is a healthy thing about neutral emotions for me; I have a good appetite when there is nothing "</span><span style="font-family:courier new;">devastating</span><span style="font-family:courier new;">" and nothing "thrilling". </span><br /><br /><span style="font-family:courier new;">Here are the many things I was talking about a few minutes ago:</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family:courier new;">#1. Barbara, Brett and Miles are moving back to China in 3 days. </span><a style="font-family: courier new;" href="http://www.facebook.com/video/video.php?v=29887180471">I am really good at making Miles laugh. </a><span style="font-family:courier new;">The build up to them leaving is always <span style="font-family:courier new;">"</span></span><span style="font-family:courier new;">devastating</span><span style="font-family:courier new;"><span style="font-family:courier new;">"</span> for me, and this time it should be more intense because Miles is alive. But I'm okay. I am pleasantly surprised.<br /><br /></span><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg36Tkbsb1cutemNWh6Ao84Hi-Rec74hvDAmMGPuStXsIueaRN1BNygma-33UIrqJux8mBIyNhSUaT8_4hCKzpLTYFUnx7g2j-FXnrd9B3FMqkaA6nWOxPtWLn5DU6dVSVZHcoEeSL01CY/s1600-h/MILES.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg36Tkbsb1cutemNWh6Ao84Hi-Rec74hvDAmMGPuStXsIueaRN1BNygma-33UIrqJux8mBIyNhSUaT8_4hCKzpLTYFUnx7g2j-FXnrd9B3FMqkaA6nWOxPtWLn5DU6dVSVZHcoEeSL01CY/s200/MILES.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5188609498370111042" border="0" /></a><br /><span style="font-family:courier new;">#2. My dad's cancer is growing and his chemo dosage will double in 2 weeks. He is in phase 2 of 3 phases in treating his terminal cancer. The doctors gave him until 2002 to live, so we're pretty happy with the time we've had with him. At one point he didn't think he would see any of his daughters get married; now he has 5.5 grandchildren.<br /><br /></span><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjDJjeWJ9fZUSczC_0ByHzcIxqHQ7J7Rti16aNAeXBImiJq0MgV0u0DMXBvKW9dtrxsC-2i7gA0n_PX1HTCmsbFwwuD4Zl_358QQ90AB0PLleenqlenAuJ0GF66hC-DSIGy2dUaA9znl7M/s1600-h/n726070471_1025453_9509.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjDJjeWJ9fZUSczC_0ByHzcIxqHQ7J7Rti16aNAeXBImiJq0MgV0u0DMXBvKW9dtrxsC-2i7gA0n_PX1HTCmsbFwwuD4Zl_358QQ90AB0PLleenqlenAuJ0GF66hC-DSIGy2dUaA9znl7M/s200/n726070471_1025453_9509.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5188610164090041938" border="0" /></a><br /><span style="font-family:courier new;">#3. I saw boy #1 and girl #2 last night. I handled it well. My heart feels more settled than it did yesterday.<br /><br /></span><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEikTeCrlbsKlxwRPiLF9YjcHxLyROKCWLIhvecv64sjWgt-FyONy4Al_ouPBV5DWxV9pwqm2JFtDt8biThMh14hrQg1isn5NYzTCcnAStQN3M4pnxCmKXjjBzkzjSscr8LbDLdtWOJox6M/s1600-h/l_9a912b293fabe38d701238181da9b1a6.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEikTeCrlbsKlxwRPiLF9YjcHxLyROKCWLIhvecv64sjWgt-FyONy4Al_ouPBV5DWxV9pwqm2JFtDt8biThMh14hrQg1isn5NYzTCcnAStQN3M4pnxCmKXjjBzkzjSscr8LbDLdtWOJox6M/s200/l_9a912b293fabe38d701238181da9b1a6.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5188611508414805602" border="0" /></a><span style="font-family:courier new;">(Note: I saw them at the </span><a style="font-family: courier new;" href="http://www.myspace.com/brocktylermusic">Brock</a><span style="font-family:courier new;"> </span><a style="font-family: courier new;" href="http://www.brocktyler.com/">Tyler</a><span style="font-family:courier new;"> and </span><a style="font-family: courier new;" href="http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendid=28788347">Matt</a><span style="font-family:courier new;"> </span><a style="font-family: courier new;" href="http://www.mattepp.com/">Epp</a><span style="font-family:courier new;"> show at Cafe Select. The boys did a SMASHING job, not to mention the angelic voice of Heather Donily. I hope she records something of her very own very soon.)</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family:courier new;">#4. (This one is "thrilling".) I'm having crushes on boys again! There have been 2 crushes in the last 8 days. Fortunately, I'm not letting my emotions run away on me.<br /><br /></span><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjuTv8OOMBW3jnEOrQHzbIO9pfBx3OBr-Eb-gWrWj1gF_RYPlEjYOihG383SEqaUg4TzbgcmCQ6NiNgiA9CZ6OZ6y7GZNpORAwM6O-vRKVtfmBB1N45TII95cQw2UbM6nrrqjpR0dK2u_g/s1600-h/l_e47ac2f749a90360b3ca5ad6c249f67c.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjuTv8OOMBW3jnEOrQHzbIO9pfBx3OBr-Eb-gWrWj1gF_RYPlEjYOihG383SEqaUg4TzbgcmCQ6NiNgiA9CZ6OZ6y7GZNpORAwM6O-vRKVtfmBB1N45TII95cQw2UbM6nrrqjpR0dK2u_g/s200/l_e47ac2f749a90360b3ca5ad6c249f67c.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5188612118300161650" border="0" /></a><br /><span style="font-family:courier new;">#5. Working in the inner city.<br /><br /></span><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhVqt03KEycHFhQnxv53eSj2kHBXZgARaMmi74JTxt6zU_tN_JhuhNo8Yab-Ndfy0-6OkBOScbdQtbw25Z8b3-fkST0kJy3xP3Xfin7aUBsROT1pjVO7xN-aZubCBK_jRzUnWf4YD6P5Dw/s1600-h/bakers-union-body.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhVqt03KEycHFhQnxv53eSj2kHBXZgARaMmi74JTxt6zU_tN_JhuhNo8Yab-Ndfy0-6OkBOScbdQtbw25Z8b3-fkST0kJy3xP3Xfin7aUBsROT1pjVO7xN-aZubCBK_jRzUnWf4YD6P5Dw/s200/bakers-union-body.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5188613325185971842" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><span style="font-family:courier new;">I like feeling neutral because then my brain and heart are relaxed enough to enjoy a good book. That's what I will go do now.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family:courier new;">P.S. Heidi, thank you for those Matthew Barber lyrics. I hadn't figured it out yet. He didn't put his lyrics with his album. I'm finding out that I really appreciate lyrics with an album.</span>Beckyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17524315402513677168noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8123033385065313057.post-56346908212848524922008-03-30T21:05:00.001-06:002008-11-13T22:54:29.838-07:00I am Girl #1<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhUpychkdK3iQLyHMyFh2zas8_XESuJ8qhyphenhyphenbJTyUcRiLwyvcUUqdFFhK52FbMGUjo4prLmczsxYRhxiOgW-poZVw7u7M6KuKzz1FcyDos8kPS-0CAVoZt8DIm2WPe1TP0rJVjS1yiYhMLY/s1600-h/shoes.jpg"><img style="margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; float: left; cursor: pointer; width: 199px; height: 149px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhUpychkdK3iQLyHMyFh2zas8_XESuJ8qhyphenhyphenbJTyUcRiLwyvcUUqdFFhK52FbMGUjo4prLmczsxYRhxiOgW-poZVw7u7M6KuKzz1FcyDos8kPS-0CAVoZt8DIm2WPe1TP0rJVjS1yiYhMLY/s200/shoes.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5183738975395581330" border="0" /></a><br /><span style="font-family:courier new;">I wish dating was like it used to be: you try once, and that’s it. Was dating ever like that? It still is like that for a lot of people. I wish it was like that for me. Dating and breaking up makes life too complicated. It adds garbage to life. Sometimes the garbage gets cleaned up with time; sometimes it doesn’t.<o:p></o:p></span> <p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family:courier new;"><span style=""><o:p></o:p>Last year I broke up with boy #1. Two months after we broke up we started to spend time together again. We were noticing that our attraction to each other hadn’t left us. One night we went for a walk. Boy #1 said to me, “When we start dating again, let’s never break up again.” That statement gave me so much hope in that moment. <o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family:courier new;"><span style=""><o:p></o:p>I was at a <a href="http://www.matthewbarber.com/">Matthew Barber</a> show last week. I forget the exact lyrics, but in one of his songs he says something about a moment being separate from time. Shoot. I wish I could find the exact words. Anyways, how true it is that there are so many “moments” in life that are separate from time or reality. Like the moment of hope I had when boy #1 said, “Let’s never break up again.” Or like the moment of determination I had last weekend when I decided that I was never going to purchase clothing again; I decided that I would sew my own clothes for the rest of my life. <o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family:courier new;"><span style="">Back to dating: boy #1 and I dated for 2 more months, and then we broke up again. 3 months later I started dating boy #2. Boy #2 was everything boy #1 wasn’t. I was stuck in a moment for weeks. Then I found out boy #1 was dating girl #2 – a friend of mine. I thought, “That’s funny. I knew they would be together (again) one day.” One week after I found out that out, I was out of moments with boy #2 so I broke up with him. Even though I knew that it was right that boy #1 and I weren’t together, I didn’t think it was “funny” any more that he was dating girl #2. When girl #2 came to the city to visit over Christmas, I avoided her. <o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family:courier new;"><span style="">BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH. <o:p></o:p></span></p><span style="font-family:courier new;">I found out the other day that girl #2 is moving to the city for the summer. That really bums me out. It's irrational, but normal. <o:p></o:p></span> <p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family:courier new;"><span style="">I am over boy #1 and boy #2, but I am not over the expectations I had of either of them. My heart still mourns the loss of boy #1 and boy #2 because I’m still disappointed that my expectations were not met. <o:p></o:p></span></p><span style="font-family:courier new;"><span style="font-family:courier new;">I hate expectations.</span><br /><br />On the other hand, I always have expectations when I go to Winners. I expect that I will find some great new shoes. My expectations were met today. <o:p></o:p></span>Beckyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17524315402513677168noreply@blogger.com6